Sensory Meltdowns

December 5, 2014 by KirbyG 4 Comments

After yet another conversation with a mamma friend, I have to write about what it is like to parent a child with sensory processing disorder. I am not sure how many people realise that things that most people enjoy or do with ease can present a real challenge to a child with sensory processing disorder (and to their parents!). Situations that are hard for sensory kids include birthday parties, shopping malls, supermarkets, coffee shops… are you seeing the trend? Places with a lot of people. Places with people, fluorescent lighting, background music and a lot of different visual stimuli (think shopping mall at Christmas) are incredibly challenging. Most parents of sensory kids have developed strategies to cope: shop online, go out early, take ear phones/hats/sunglasses/chewing gum, always have a stop at a quiet coffee shop to eat something and regulate a bit. People without sensory kiddos don’t get why you can only go to 3 shops and then have to go home or your have to leave at dawn to get to the shops before the crowds or carry a pantechnicon of snacks, drinks, toys etc. Parents get labelled as controlling, neurotic, over-protective, over-indulgent by other people who have no idea what happens without these strategies.

Sometimes though, things don’t go according to plan, shopping takes longer than usual or there are just too many people at the party, it can be any number of things. That’s when it can all go horribly wrong. What often first happens is the child gets niggly, they refuse to eat or drink anything (and so get hypoglycaemic on top of already not coping). Most parents will then try and intervene. Leave the party early, carry the child, get out and go home and once again the labels come out, the sideways glances and the judgement. What people don’t see most of the time, is the meltdown.

Most meltdowns happen at home, after the crazy busy shopping mall or hectic birthday party, but occasionally they happen away from home, when there are any number of friends and strangers around to pass judgement and, in one friend’s case, even call the police. Meltdowns are a sensory kid’s nervous system going haywire. They get into a full on flight and fight mode, because everything inside of them is hurting and they literally don’t know what to do with themselves. This is NOT a tantrum. The child is not in control, in fact the are in hell at that time. Every child is different, but a sensory child in meltdown can scream, hit, bite, kick, lash out, fall on the floor, whatever they do it isn’t pretty, it isn’t quiet and it draws attention. The parents then have to not only deal with calming their children down, they have to deal with onlookers who are coming up with their own reasons as to why the child is not behaving the way they should.

Things that parents or caregivers can do to help in the situation are: remove the child from the situation, darken the lights, reduce the noise, give them a heavy blanket or soft toy, hold them (and give deep pressure at the same time), I still use shushing (white noise) to help Boo calm down. Most parents have figured out what works best for their little ones.

What onlookers/friends can do to help: speak quietly and calmly and only engage the parents if necessary, dim the lights (check first), turn down the volume of the sound track that is playing, make space and preferably move the attention away from the child. When the child has sufficiently calmed down, offer a cold drink, or a crunchy snack, a warm blanket or just ask the parents if you can get them anything to help them.

The number one thing that anyone can do to help the situation is to not judge a child having a meltdown or the parent managing it and don’t label a parent as neurotic, over-protective or downright weird and please, please don’t pass a “helpful” comment. It isn’t helpful, trust me.